Wednesday, 19 December 2012

From Iran - A Presidental Christmas Greeting

This is a real scoop for me and for Rhymes and Routes! President Ahmadinajad of Iran wishes to use this blog to send a Christmas message to the British people, as he once did on Channel 4. He says some very unkind things about me, as I have dared to criticise his regime in the past, but, in the interests of free speech, I have removed nothing from the original text. I have reserved the right, however, to insert occasional comments in brackets, including a "B" for Blogmeister.
To the people of Great Britain - Salaam! Peace be unto you! I am taking this opportunity to address you all in your millions (I'm glad you think we have so many readers, Mr Pres! - B) as I wish to challenge and refute the calumnies and lies spread about Iran by the Western media, including the infidel running dog (IRD) that runs this blog (Sticks and stones! - B) . All our critics in the west should count themselves lucky - anyone calling me a tyrant in Iran would be put in prison.
First, I must say that the IRD either believes falsified evidence against us or he is a liar himself. For instance, he has repeated the lie that I said the state of Israel should be destroyed. I was, of course, speaking Farsi, and my words were deliberately mistranslated by journalists in the pay of the CIA. I simply meant that the state of Israel should vanish as a state; I did not mean that the people should be exterminated. (What about the ones who don't want to share their land with you, Mr Pres? - B)
I would further add that the IRD's implication that I am anti-semitic is wrong; 25 000 Jews live happily in Iran (No mention of the 75 000 who left since 1979 - B) and there is even a Jewish member of the Iranian Parliament. Jewish visitors to Iran are always made welcome, especially (well, only) the non-Zionists. We see that the case of the IRD and all hostile western media commentators is beginning to unravel.
The other outrageous calumny against us concerns the treatment of women in Iran. The Mossad front organisation, Amnesty International, has said in its CIA-funded report for 2012:
"Women were discriminated against in law and in practice, including by a mandatory dress code. Women’s rights activists, including those involved in the One Million Signatures Campaign to demand legal equality for women, were persecuted and harassed."
This is a gross distortion of facts, and goes a long way to explain why we never allow Amnesty International observers into Iran. The women of Iran have never been happier; not one has ever complained to me. (I wonder why? - B).  All Amnesty International members and officials are salaried employees of the CIA and should not be trusted (I'm in AI, Mr Pres, and I don't get a penny - B).
Now, the IRD has repeated allegations that women are subject to rape by Revolutionary Guards, prison officers and officials. He has not presented a very good case. Others of his kind go on to say that rape victims in general are treated unfairly in Iran. If this were true, then let them answer this question - if our prison officials and prisoners were guilty of rape against women and others, would we provide them with condoms? What nonsense! And our Revolutionary Guards are fit young men that no woman can resist.
Now - as for homosexuals, homosexuality is illegal in this country, as it once was in the UK, and I pointed this out to the other IRD, Piers Morgan. At that time, the UK authorities prosecuted these perverts, as we do still. No-one in the UK has the right to criticise us for it. Mind you, when we prosecute them, we really prosecute them! The rest of the world should follow our example.
As for religious minorities, they dwindle in size every year. I am confident that all Iranians will be happy when they realise that Iran is an Islamic republic and true happiness and freedom lies in conversion to Islam. (Either that, or getting out of Iran -B). We have been criticised for persecuting the Bahais, executing Christians who evangelise (it is illegal here in Iran), arresting Moslems who convert to Christianity and repressing political opponents. But - similar things happen in other Islamic countries, so why pick on us? (For once, I partially agree - B).
As for the IRD's suggestion that I would make a comedian - here is something to make you smile.
 My list of wishes for the UK in 2013:
1. My friend, George Galloway, should be made Prime Minister.
2. The statue of the IRD, Nelson, should be removed from Trafalgar Square, and replaced with a statue of me.
3.Buckingham Palace should be turned at an angle to face towards Mecca.
4. The IRD who runs this website should come for a holiday to Iran. It will last 10 years.
5. The blasphemous organisation known as Mecca Bingo should be closed down and all its directors and employees publicly whipped.
6. Britain should dispose of her nuclear weapons by firing them all at Israel. Of course, that's not what I mean really; my English isn't that good.
Are you all laughing now?
Merry Christmas from the President of Iran!
Well, thanks, Mr President. I'm sure we all feel better for your friendly message. In spite of what you have said, I have not altered your message in any way. I wouldn't want to, believe me. "Infidel Running Dog"? That'll look good on a T-shirt!

1 comment:

  1. Re President Ahmadinajad's point 6: I was staffing the CND stall at the Lib Dem conference last year, and one Lib Dem quite seriously said to me that, yes, the UK should get rid of its nuclear weapons and recoup what we've spent on them by selling them to other countries!