The Rhymes and Routes Christmas Message, 2017

With some reservations, I have decided to publish this Christmas message from a statesman whose government has banned Christmas. Our Christmas message this year comes from the Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, Kim Jong Un.

He-he-he! How you like my silly hat? Pretty, yes? You like the scene behind me? That place is Hiroshima, but is how New York will look one day. And London! Don't think you are safe, Britishers. You sent soldiers to invade my country in 1950 as well as USA and others. We don't forget easy, let me assure you.

Now, just cos I wear Santa hat, no go thinking I change my mind on Christmas. I banned it some time ago. I don't like it, because I am the main man in the world, not some Israeli baby born 2000 years ago who oppressed the Palestinian people in a manger... And he couldn't speak Korean! What kind of saviour is that? Anyway, you got me instead.

I am very offended that I got to send my message on some lousy little blog, but British newspapers they not like me for some reason. Blogmeister seem like some kind of reactionary liberal socialist vermin and Rednev some tired old man who don't write much. (Ah, such flattery! - B)

I guess you all wondering what I am going to do about Donald Trump in New Year, 2018. I not scared of him! If he drop any of his missiles on us, I will destroy the world. Well, some of it anyway. I have to be careful not to destroy my country, cos suicide is against the law. If anyone does kill himself, his family are sent to camps to teach them a lesson. When life here is so wonderful, why commit suicide? (Agreed, Mr Chairman, escape is far better. 26, 854 people escaped from North to South Korea between 1953 to 2014 - B)

Donald Trump is a nasty old man who I have outed as a lunatic. He insulted me saying I was short and fat! Do I look like that to you? If he said that to me here, I would put him in prison. No way is it true, no matter what lying British press says.

Anyway, I want to stop now. I am tired. However, I say to the British people that I am not planning any nuclear attacks on them. I have no such intention and I don't have the missiles yet. When I do, I send you a little warning, nothing much. Have nice Christmas - it may be your last! Funny joke, eh? He-he-he!
As Blogmeister, I feel I must thank Chairman Kim for his festive message. His goodwill shines through his words - or is that radiation glow?

Evidence that Donald Trump's description of Chairman Kim as "fat" is wide of the mark. Surely "working on obese" would be more accurate? No wonder Kim is upset!