The Rhymes and Routes Christmas Message for
2020 comes from The Rt Hon Boris Johnson, M.P. for Uxbridge and Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Cripes! The things I get asked to do as Prime
Minister! Don’t get me wrong, I love this job, as I am eminently suited for it.
An Eton education is never wasted. But I am gagging with anger at writing
Christmas platitudes on this stupid blog which is staffed by two geriatric
Bolshies. Still, my old mate, Dom, with whom I still speak when my present
other half isn’t around, says it’s always a good idea to brass it out with the
Left, so here I am.
Well, I don’t have an oven ready Christmas spiel, but I think I can safely say that this has been a trying year, especially for me. No sooner did this bally silly Covid disease arrive in the UK that I caught the damn thing. I received excellent care and am especially grateful to two nurses, one of whom is Portuguese. I like him so much that I hope he stays in Britain. If he ever gets deported, or forced out, I’ll come and wave him goodbye. I must try to remember his name.
Christmas, as we know, is a time for families
to get together and celebrate. I am a true family man, and, as everyone knows,
I have at least three families to take care of. I consider myself very lucky to
have a young fiancé and new sprog here with me in Downing Street and don’t
intend to start any more families. But - you never know! As the song says: “I
was born under a wandering star…” and, at Christmas time, it’s always a
pleasure to pull a cracker! Ha! Ha! Still, as long as my better half keeps off
my f(word deleted by Blogmeister)g laptop, all will be well.
One of my sternest critics, and occasional contributor to this blog, is a belligerent bolshie called RedNev, who persists in dragging up rumours and half-truths about me and my past. In the spirit of Christmas, I wish him well and enjoin him to get his facts right. The Garden Bridge project cost £52 million, not 53.
As for the cantankerous Blogmeister, he seems
to have nothing good to say when it comes to Brexit, which I got done! I say to
him: just look at the present situation regarding Europe. Could anyone else
have created such a state of affairs? Christmas is a time for peace and
forgiveness, and the IOG* of a
Blogmeister should seek to be reconciled with Nigel Farage, Anne Widdecombe,
Claire Fox, me, and all the other Brexiteers that he has attacked on this blog.
Has he never read The Bible?
To conclude: I would like to wish all the
readers of this blog a very Happy Christmas and a Joyful New Year. 2020 has
been a trying year for me, and I intend to keep trying in 2021.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Boris the P.M. – as some people call me.
*IOG
– Irritable Old Git
Blogmeister replies: Thank you for your
message, Prime Minister. I am sure that I speak for millions when I say that
no-one but you could have created the present mess resulting from Brexit. You
are correct in that. As for peace and forgiveness towards the individuals
mentioned – how do your previous wives, mistresses and colleagues feel about
being reconciled to you? No reconciliation from them and none from me towards
any Brexiteer, especially the ones you’ve mentioned. And as for reading The
Bible – what’s your take on the Seventh Commandment?
A reply to the Billy Bunter of Downing Street:
ReplyDeleteYaroo Porky!
As Guru Nanak said, "Truth is the highest virtue." However, you regard it as acceptable collateral damage in your ego-driven rise (in a scum-like manner) to the top.
You routinely break promises, glibly propound lies, habitually abandon absolutely final decisions in U-turns, never comb your hair and, judging by your child support bill, you've no idea what the zip on your trousers is for.
As for handing over vital tasks during a pandemic to cronies who no experience of what they are taking on, it simply proves you have no sense of the importance of hard-earned expertise.
I, on the contrary do, and my assessment is that a deceitful, vain (despite the corpulent image in your mirror), self-serving spoilt brat is definitely not a suitable person to run the UK during an emergency. Mind you, that'd be equally true if there were no emergency.
Why not just get back to stealing from the tuck shop?
Hey RedNev.
ReplyDeleteYou got that completely right. He is total embarrassment as a human being, let alone as a prime minister. His government makes "Yes Minister" look like a sober political documentary, so perhaps it's time to run for the hills.
Well riposted, gentlemen!
ReplyDelete