Monday 6 December 2010

Santa Claus - His Health and Safety

Changing the subject slightly, I'd like to talk about Father Christmas - or Santa Claus if you prefer. I knew he was busy at Christmas, but I never appreciated his workload.  US scientists have calculated that Santa has to visit 822 homes a second to deliver all the world's presents on Christmas Eve, travelling at 650 miles a second. This is surely a breach of Health and Safety Regulations. Santa should be informed by the Factory Inspectorate of his right to have a 10 minute break every four working hours. Not only this, but he is required to trespass on private property to deliver presents. As this could lead to prosecution for Breaking and Entering. Santa should consult with his trade union, raising the question of his being placed in a position of jeopardy. Still, Santa should find it easier to do his job this year; the economic situation will lead to less presents available for delivery. It's an ill wind...
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8 comments:

  1. Neville Grundy7 December 2010 at 12:57

    I question the methodology. Is this every home, including Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, etc? Or just the homes of Christians or people of Christian descent?

    Also, if Father Christmas is self employed, the necessity of breaks is waived. However, there are strict limits on flying times for air line pilots and the like which may apply here.

    I think you're opened a hornet's nest here, and if a lot of children are disappointed on Christmas morning because of your busybody interference, I just hope you can live with yourself.

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  2. Geoff Parry7 December 2010 at 18:58

    A very good point, Nev. Santa may be self-employed, but that raises two more issues. There is the matter of his elves - they certainly are allowed a break after 4 hours work. Besides which:
    1. Do they have contracts of employment?
    2. Are they being paid the minimum wage?
    If the answer to either or both of these questions is "No", Santa Claus is guilty of exploitation of ethnic minorities.
    Then, there is a potential case of animal cruelty to be dealt with - it is not good for reindeer to travel at 650 miles a second. The RSPCA must surely have grounds for prosecution.
    It falls upon all of us trade unionist to support our brothers in the employ of Santa Claus. Our first step should be to print off UNITE membership forms and leave them for the elves to find on Christmas Eve. Nev - can they count on your support?

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  3. Neville Grundy7 December 2010 at 19:31

    Is UNITE the right union? I'd say the RMT for the reindeer and USDAW for the elves.

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  4. Geoff Parry7 December 2010 at 20:37

    Nev - whatever thir choic, it will be a milestone for the trade union movement!

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  5. Chas King8 December 2010 at 09:50

    I have been informed that Santa is working without a Risk Assessment for "Lone Working", no training in Manual Handling and has no procedures in place for working at heights. If he is self employed as has been suggested, is he in possession of a valid Tax Exemption Certificate ?

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  6. Neville Grundy9 December 2010 at 14:37

    Overheard in the pub:
    "He's got the sack, you know."
    "Who?"
    "Father Christmas."

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  7. Geoff Parry9 December 2010 at 22:11

    Chas - can Santa Claus be extradited to stand trial for such misdemeanours? If so, he should be prosecuted forthwith, even if - sorry Nev - children are disappointed on Christmas morning. The elves, under proper trade union tutelage, could form a collective and organise deliveries themselves.

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  8. Chas King10 December 2010 at 11:09

    A Prohibition Order should be issued upon Santa to stop his activities until matters are in order and Nev will take his place this year to complete all deliveries with a hearty cheer and a smile !

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