After some consideration, I have agreed that Bashar al-Assad, ex-president of Syria, can deliver our Christmas message this year. I am only too well aware of this man's dismal human rights record while Syrian president, but (as he has reminded me) this is a free speech blog and he cannot get his voice heard anywhere else. I stress, however, Mr Assad's views in no way reflect mine. My comments to this effect are shown in brackets.
I write today as a private citizen , living in my holiday home in Moscow (One of many! - B). As readers will know, I was forced to make a sudden departure from my homeland, following a fanatics' uprising. As I have said elsewhere, I had no intention of leaving Syria, but was rushed away by President Putin's troops when my own soldiers - ungrateful swine! - stopped fighting. I don't know what was wrong with them. Did they really need help from the Russians and the Iranians? (Looks like it - B). Still, I am forced to admit that I was disappointed at the lack of military help from Iran and Russia. Previously, we squashed the rebels like flies and we could have dome it again. I blame the Ukrainians and the Israelis really. So many Russian troops are tied up in Ukraine and Iran/Hezbollah are suffering from Israeli military aggression. Still, I thank my old pal, VP for getting my family and I to a safe place.
Now, I notice that the Blogmeister is a supporter of Amnesty International, one of a number of so-called human rights organisations that have blackened my name over the years. In 2017, they published a report called "Human Slaughterhouse", packed with lies and fabrications. They alleged that my security force had carried out killings, torture, enforced disappearance, mass hangings and extermination of detainees in the Saydnaya military prison. How did they know this? If Amnesty International had sent a delegation to Syria in my time, I would have had them shot -so how do they know about these things? (You can't stop news spreading, Mr Assad - B). From 2011 onwards, they attacked me for the way my Syrian government forces - with Russian help - repeatedly attacked areas controlled by armed opposition groups, carrying out indiscriminate attacks on civilian homes, hospitals and medical facilities, including artillery bombardments and airstrikes, often using weapons such as barrel bombs and incendiary weapons. Well, what was wrong with that? After all, we were only following the example of the Americans and British in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Another current calumny is the so-called exposure of prison conditions in Syria when I was leader. Has the world forgotten how US troops treated Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison? And we, like them, were holding Al-Qaeda prisoners. What is the saying you English have about how pots should not call kettles black? And these prisoners being released are exaggerating grossly! (Difficult to exaggerate torture and judicial murder, Mr Assad - B). And my prison building programme provided work for many unemployed Syrian people, who are now, like my family and myself, having to flee Syria (Torturers, interrogators, guards, makers of manacles - that's quite a job creation programme - B).
But what of the future? Well, until my people see sense and beg me to return (Words fail me! - B) , I have to ponder the future for my family and myself. I have to say that Moscow is a wonderful place in the summer, but, oh dear, the Russian winter! So, my wife and I are contemplating moving further afield. As my wife, Asma, has a British passport, we are seriously contemplating a move to the United Kingdom. It should be no problem for us to settle there. Asma is a Londoner by birth and worked as an investment banker at JP Morgan until she moved to Syria in 2000, so I'm sure she could get employment in the finance sector. As for me, I am sure that I could return to my old profession as an ophthalmologist for the NHS. After all, they need all the specialists they can get.
So, at this time of goodwill to all people, whatever their colour, creed or past history, I send Christmas Greetings to the people of Britain:
"Eid milad majid" - Merry Christmas!
As Blogmeister, I invite readers to reply directly to ex-President Assad. His postal address is: Mr B. Assad, The Kremlin, Moscow, Russia. I have no further comments to make; this man's track record speaks for itself. And I hope he never finds work in my local hospital.